DO YOUR STUFF... / CATHY RYAN-O'CONNELL (AUNT)Read >>
DO YOUR STUFF... / CATHY RYAN-O'CONNELL (AUNT)
HI ROBERT OBVIOUSLY YOU AND UNCLE JOHN WORKED YOUR THING TO HELP THE YANKEES WIN AND I SO APPRECIATE IT. JAKE THANKS YOU BOTH TOO! YET... HERE ARE THE HOLIDAYS AND I DON'T KNOW EXACTLY WHAT YOU CHILDREN DO UP THERE WHO HAVE PASSED FROM THEIR PARENTS BUT REALLY YOU DO REALIZE HOW HARD IT IS FOR THEM. I JUST SPOKE TO MOM TONIGHT AND SHE IS REALLY FEELING IT. PICKED UP FILM THAT WAS LOST FROM YEARS AGO AND GUESS WHO WAS IN THE FILM (YOU). MOM WAS ZAPPED AWAY...
SO GET TOGETHER WITH THE OTHER CHILDREN UP THERE AND PRAY THAT ALL PARENTS GET BY THIS HOLIDAY SEASON OF 2009. I CAN ONLY IMAGINE AND HOPEFULLY THAT IS ALL I WILL EVER DO IS JUST IMAGINE...
Yankees!/ Mom
Oktober 2009 - Yankees are going to the World Series! Wish you were here I miss you. So glad to be watching the games again. Love you... Close
Sorry been a while ! But always in my heart ....Never got the chance to meet you here But sure looking forward to seeing you there as I feel I already know you ....I can think your red hair and almost hear your voice and it makes me smile you always live here until we see you there for your Mom your Family carry you with them and share you with Us ....Know you had a awesome Heavenly Birthday ...We sure miss you kids here ....Eileen Thank you so much for sharing Hem with me ....and for being such a wonderful Lady and Friend know I hold you EmilyAnnie and Robert forever in my heart ! Love you ! Always and Forever ....Angelia
Still missing you / Marc D'Esposito (friend)Read >>
Still missing you / Marc D'Esposito (friend)
It has been a long time since I wrote to you but you are still on my mind. I've moved out of my moms(finally) and have been living in an apartment for the past 6 months now. Iv have made some huge strides in my life. I've moved forward pretty far but every once in a while i find myself still thinking "I would really like to talk to Rob right now." and thats prolly what hurts the most. I wanted to be able to invite you to my place to hang out. Or just hang out like we used to and tell you whats been going on. Thats what we all take for granted. Just having someone there that we care about to talk to. Then when they are not there anymore we find ourselves wanting to talk to them but we can't. Today it's been 4 years since we last spoke but i can still remember your voice. I'm glad those memories don't go away. Watch over your family. I think they can really use it now. Close
Missing you is the hardest part, that never seems to get easier. Sometimes I feel my heart will be forever broken. Emily and I are now living at Eva's, I feel pretty good here. There is an opportunity to go back to the house but I just don't think I can do it again. I know you're not there and it took so much for me to get out; I don't feel it's a good idea to go back. I do hope things work out for dad and I would like to see him keep the house but I just don't know. I worry about myself financially and if I am doing the right thing for Emily. You know every ounce of my love and being goes towards my children and how I am even making it in this world without you is beyond my comprehension. I believe in a greater power, of a plan that is laid out for each and every one of us. So I will follow it.
Please help us and guide us down here. We can really use a break from these hard times. Stay with your sisters, protect them, help us grow. We love and miss you beyond anything I can say here.
February 2009 - Leaving / Mom
Well Robert, I will be leaving this house soon. Emily and I have a nice little apartment. I has been so hard going through all this stuff and leaving a life behind. I know we've had a lot of hard times but there were some great moments I shared with you kids and I cherish that. My greatest moments were, and are the times I spend with you children (or should I say adults). I loved every moment and intend to enjoy many more. Letting go is the hardest part, but it is a new beginning and I need a new beginning. Pray for us and spread your love all around us as we walk away from all this. Always fill your sisters with the brightness of love, peace of heart and mind.
Happy Valentine's Day my son, Forever your mom Close
Christmas 2008 / Mom Ask me what I want this year And I will try to make this kind and clear Just a chance, maybe, That we will find better days...
Christmas 2008 - Once again, Emily and I picked out a beautiful Christmas tree! Annie and Marcin came up on Christmas Eve and a good time was had by all. We decorated the tree, danced a little, played Monoply and listened to your cd. For Christmas Emily got the LL Bean Headlight, clothes, jewelry and a day at Jiminy Peak from Annie and Marcin. Annie got assorted gifts from Jill's Greens and Marcin got a Monoply game and a pencil sharpener (with pencils!). Dad got boots and I got beautiful earrings from Annie and Marcin. They played video games for awhile then monoply. Afterwards Annie cooked the most delicious Christmas dinner! At one point Annie brought out chocolate covered bacon in your honor. It was quite disgusting.
There is such an emptiness without you here with us, but you know us, we try and do the best we can. I am so grateful I have such kind hearted, beautiful, compassionate children and that goes for my son-in-law too! Thanks for being in my life. May we all have a happy, healthy, wealthy New Year.
Thanksgiving - November 2008 / Mom
Dear Robert - This was the 4th Thanksgiving without you. I can't believe four Thanksgivings have gone by...
This year Emily, Dad & I went down to Annie & Marcin's for Thanksgiving. Annie has really turned out to be a really good cook. She did the whole dinner herself and it was delicious! Her friends Catherine & W were there and they brought dessert. So much food! It was a nice day. We danced, played games and ate and ate and ate. Not a day goes by where I don't think of you.
Change/Hope/ Mom
My dear sweet Robert - History was made tonight. I saw your name on the ballot when I went to vote. I just could not bring myself to tell them you were no longer here. I love and miss you so much.
3 Years / Mom
My Dear Robert - It has been the longest and hardest three years of my life and it is time to let go. For this third anniversary I thought, should I put something in the paper, have everyone up or put a cross on the spot where you left us (which I will always consider Scared Ground). I decided not to do any of the above. Putting something in the paper this year would have been a way for me to let everyone know I am still in a great deal of pain and I didn't want to do that. Anyone that knew you or loved you will never forget that day so I didn't feel the need to publize that. Having everyone up would have been too exhausting this year and the cross on the spot - well I felt if someone messed with it I would be crushed. So instead it was just me, Annie, Emily & dad. Annie came up from Brooklyn on Wednesday and we all went out to eat at the Villa Valenti. Before we went the skies opened up and I thought, that's about how many tears we shed these past three years. We will never get over this, we will just learn to live with it. So we all gave you a toast and then we toasted ourselves.
It was so nice having Annie up, we had such a good time. Dinner on Wednesday, Mamma Mia and tye-dye t-shirts on Thursday, a drive to New Lebanon on Friday and a disgusting lunch at Fresco's! I don't want to look back anymore, it will do me no good. Like Annie & Emily, you were a gift to me and I love you dearly. So I will take that with me, feel the love and move on. Take care of us, watch over us. Forever in my Heart. I miss you so.
I could never find the right words to say how much I miss you. Since I started college and all of these new things have happened, I think of how many stories I have for you and what your exact words would be to me. I was on my AIM the other day going through all of the names that I could erase, people that I don't talk to, but I needed to keep yours, I still look at it everyday, not to mention all of the pictures I have of you. Robert, I miss you so much, and everyday there's always something that will remind me of you. Somehow the Great Escape is one of my favorite stories. I feel like I've told this story to a million different people. The first thing I say is, I remember going up there with my cousins EVERY SUMMER, and you and Uncle Bob going on the zoomerang with me. I was never so scared in my life. But the both of you laughed the entire time. It's a story I never get tired of telling because I would give anything to go back to that day and every day we all spent up there with you guys. Hearing stories about you and things that I never knew, i now realize how much we had in common. We were never good at saying I love you to eachother or giving hugs or any of that. But no matter what we both knew we loved eachother. I love you so much Robert!
I have this lyric, that reminds me of you.
"Celebrate we will because life is short but sweet for certain"-Dave Matthews
Spring 2008 & a few words by Rudolf Steiner / Mom Read >>
Spring 2008 & a few words by Rudolf Steiner / Mom
Boy, do I miss you. This is the first time going into a new season I haven't cried my eyes out. I actually felt good feeling the warm sun this spring, maybe because the winter seemed so long and hard. I thought about that time you burned the Queen CD for me and we blasted that song "Mama didn't mean to make you cry, if I'm not back again this time tomorrow, carry on, carry on..." and me, you, Annie and Emily stood in the living room banging our heads around and dad walking in - he must of thought we were crazy, it was so much fun. I miss that beautiful face, your voice. I still think of you running up the stairs.
A few words from Rudolf Steiner...
We must eradicate from the soul all fear and terror of what comes towards mankind out of the future. We must look forward with absolute equanimity to all that may come, and we must think only, that whatever comes is given to us by a world-direction full of wisdom. It is part of what we must learn in this age namely, to live out of pure trust, without any security in existance; trust in the ever-present help of the spiritual world. Truly, nothing else will do if our courage is not to fail us. Let us discipline our will, and let us seek the awaking from within ourselves, every morning and every evening.
Dear Robert, Went down to Brooklyn with Emily the Friday before Christmas to see Annie and Marcin's new apartment (you know they're married now). We had a great time. On Friday, went to the movies then back to their place. On Saturday we went to Bryant Park to ice skate, it was so crowded but Marcin manage to click away even with all those people. After that we waited on line at Macy's to see Santa (if you live in NY, you know that is where the real Santa is!) We waited on line for an hour and a half, Marcin filmed the whole thing. Then to see the tree and St. Patrick's Cathedral. We were babystepping the whole way. After that we went to a Polish neighborhood in Brooklyn and had dinner. Had a great day! On Sunday we all headed home to the country. I just have to mention the tree in the road on the Taconic! Picked up pizza, watched Marcin's video when he was on Montel, started decorating the tree and of course, danced around like fools to your Christmas CD.
On Monday (Christmas Eve), I found the rest of the decorations (which is always hard for me) and we all finished the tree. Annie and Marcin met Beth at the Towne Tavern and me and Emily finished Christmas shopping. Came home, cooked the usual breaded chicken, watched The Snowman and a Charlie Brown Christmas (of course, we danced - even Marcin). Dad and I each opened a gift from Annie and Marcin and eventually went to bed.
Christmas we hung out at home all day. Annie cooked a turkey dinner, Annie, Marcin and Emily played video games all day (and night) and we even managed to watch "It's A Wonderful Life". All in all, it was a nice day. The next day Annie and Marcin took Emily snowboarding, dad worked and I had a day to myself. Today (Thursday) dad drove Annie and Marcin back home. I cried my eyes out this morning, but I'm fine.
My heart stays in my chest now, my skin stays on - but as time goes on I miss you even more and I don't think that will ever change. Miss you more then ever. Stay close to us forever. Merry Christmas Robert.
Christmas 2007 / Jake Ryan (cousin)
Well, this is the first time I have visited the websites for Robert and my dad since they came up. I guess it just took me a little bit, not that I dont accept the fact, but it's hard for me to look at pictures of happy times when you guys arent here. I just talked to the Vieiras, and all sound well, and you can definitely hear how they miss you. It's going to be a good day next week when we all get together. Of all the memories of Robert, the one that keeps coming to me is when me and you spent like 3 days together in my house for New Years before you passed. That was really fun. You were definitely the closest thing I had to a brother, and I lost you and my father in the same year. But you both are in a way better place than here, and I hope you look down on us from time to time. We'll see you soon and never forget you. Merry Christmas Rob. Your cousin Jake Close
Happy Birthday! / Mom
Dear Robert - 24 and so much more (part of an old song from Neil Young!). So much to learn on this earth. Some positives that have come out of this: Even though I always believed in God, it was something always in my head - now I am learning to put my trust in God, that there is a plan for all of us, relax and believe in it. This is something I am now starting to feel in my heart and soul and not something I am convincing my head to believe. It's a feeling.
There are so many kind, wonderful people out there who have also suffered the same loss. I feel somehow we were all led to one another to help each other grow, nourish, survive and learn to live again. It's not an easy process, and one thing I definately learned was that even if there was an easy way - it wasn't going to happen for me, which is fine. It seems to be the only way I am going to grow and move forward.
I am so grateful I had you in my life. You were beautiful and I loved you dearly. When you were born, I thought to myself, you are my boy with the moon and star on his head (which was a Cat Stevens song back then), and now you are among the moon and stars, and I will see you again. I love you Robert, I love Annie and I love Emily. I couldn't of asked for more. Happy Birthday. Close
Hi rob! i just wanted to wish a happy birthday and tell u that i miss you very much, i also wanted to take this time to thank you for everything that you have done for me . You have showed me what it is really like to love and care about someone, thank you for opening up my heart. i will always love you
Second anniversary in HEAVEN / Peggy Ryan (Aunt)Read >>
Second anniversary in HEAVEN / Peggy Ryan (Aunt)
Sweet Robert, This weekend we all celebrated your life as it was before and as it is now, just knew you were watching over all of us.It was great seeing everyone bonding as a family in your honor,hope you know how important your life was to all . You will never be forgotten "BERT"(as my kids lovingly called you) and we will miss you forever! God Bless You! Love Aunt Peg
Two years / Annie (sister)
My dear brother. I miss and love him so very much. There was so much to Robert that I didn't know. But through his death I have learned a great deal. I have learned that all that matters on this earth is love. Robert taught me that lesson. In celebration of Roberts life here is a few of my favorite moments with him:
When we went to Disneyworld in 2001 (Robert was 17 , I was 20 and Emily was 7) Robert would play this game in the pool with me and Emily. He would swim under the water and grab onto the bottoms of our legs, right around our ankles, and hold them tight, like he was hugging them. Then he would start thrashing us around. He was pretending to be a shark. So all you would see was me, or Emily, bobbing above the water like we were being attacked by jaws. Everytime I'm in the water I think of Robert diving under for the 100th time and grabbing my legs throwing me around. No one could do it quite as convincingly as he could.
Robert and I were very close when we were little. I had no need to hang out with anybody else because I had my little brother Robert. We used to play all day in the stream next to our house. One of the games we would play was to take sticks and break up the frozen water in the winter and pretend the ice chunks were diamonds. We were going to sell them and be really rich.
Easter egg hunts with Robert were crazy! We were both pretty hardcore about it. I think we both had a competitve streak in us. Nothing was out of bounds during those egg hunts. He would grab me and spin me around till I fell to the ground and then he would run off to find the eggs. By this point we were both in our twenties.
I remember sleeping over my Aunt Catherine's house with Robert and our cousins Colleen and Meghan. Meghan was still a little baby then. But Robert and Colleen and I would wake up every morning at 10am and put on Vanilla Ice's "Ice Ice Baby" and dance around the living room. We would blast it and open all the windows, I think we thought we were really cool. Robert had these funny MC Hammer pants too. And I can just picture this silly, spastic nine year old dancing around the living room.
Sometimes we were mischevious and would try and make our baby cousin, Meghan, say swear words. Hehehe.
When Robert and I moved into the new house on route 66 we would make plans on turning the shed into a clubhouse. We could come up with lots of different names and schemes for what we would do. We never actually made the club but I think half the fun was thinking about it. Robert and I had lots of fun schemeing up adventures. One Christmas when we were little, Robert and I made a map of the house and marked all the potential places where my parents could have hidden gifts. Then we would lay low to the ground like we were soldiers in a trench and pull our bodies inch by inch down the carpeted hallway to our parents room. Then one of us would be the look out while the other one went searching through the closest. It was so much fun. And I remember Robert being so frustrated with me when the following year I decided I ddin't want to look for presents anymore because I wanted to be surprised.
Robert was an excellant snake/frog catcher. Emily Piazza used to call him snake man, she was such cute little girl and she had a big crush on Robert so of course one day I held him down so she could kiss him. ( :
There are so many more memories I could write but for now I will stop here. I love you Robert and I miss you so very, very much.
Love,
Annie Close
My Moment / Terrie Fortier (Cousin)
I’ve been trying to write something on Roberts Website for along time now, but I just didn’t know what to say. While I was searching for pictures of my friends from years ago, I came across a few pictures of Robert in my attic in old boxes that I thought I didn’t have. I have so many of Annie and Emily, so it was nice to find the few I have of Robert. Anyway, I went to a party this weekend that was on the beach in Connecticut. I looked around and saw my husband Rob, my two closest friends, their husbands and some other friends sitting right there alongside me and we were all laughing – I thought to myself what a moment. That was our moment. Then I started to think about Robert and why it was so hard for me to come up with the words I wanted to say without sounding to mushy or just plain stupid. I thought about the time Robert was soooo late getting to our house for a Ryan get together. That was actually the last time I saw Robert, Rob’s mom and my Uncle John together. I remember each of them at our house that day. I remember Rob’s mom sitting in the chair between the Living room and Dining room. I remember Uncle John downstairs with Jake watching a football game. But the thing that sticks out the most that day was when Robert and I were outside talking - Just the two of us. I don’t remember what was said but I remember being out there for awhile just talking. And actually, whenever I think of him – I think of that day. Or the day we were all camping and he came running out at 2 in the morning in the pouring rain to tell my husband Rob, that his Jeep was getting soaked because he took the top off. Robert was so worried the stereo in the Jeep would break if it got wet. And then the next day when I caught my eye fishing – I saw Rob and Robert jump out of the jeep to come to my rescue. (While Aunt Peg was flipping out – some nurse she is!) Then it hit me – Those are MY moments with Robert. And no matter how much time goes by or how busy our lives get – as long as we remember those moments and talk about Robert he’ll always be with us. And those are the moments I will always remember. Close
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